I (31f) have been married to my husband (35m) for 3 years. He has a child (5) from a previous relationship, and me and him share a child (1). Up until recently we have all had a decent co-parenting relationship. Where it eventually got to me and his ex having more contact than her and my husband. Recently, the ex has been making slick comments. I.e. My husband was holding out baby and she said to him directly. “Are you sure that’s your child?” My husband is black and I am white. Both brown eyes. But my baby is white as me, blond hair, blue eyes. Granted I understand by the looks of her she doesn’t look mixed. But why does she feel comfortable enough to say that? She also said another comment a few days later to me saying “my baby looks more and more like her grandma ( my mom) and we all know who his other daughter looks like. (Implying she looks like my husband). Mind you my husband never defended me or said anything to her. I was the one each time defending my self or saying some slick sh*t back. There is obviously more things she has said over the last few days. But I’m already at my wits end with the relationship and can feel myself checking out. Me and my husband are going through a rough patch so this really just irritates me and has me thinking about divorce. TLDR- AITAH for wanting a divorce because my husband's ex keeps implying that our child isn’t his and he hasn’t defended me.
Edit: To answer questions. I know for 100% fact the kid is his. He is a OTR trucker and we were stuck on a truck together for months when I got pregnant. Not once but twice. 1st one resulted in a miscarriage. Got pregnant immediately after. Me and him have had conversations about him getting a paternity test. I have no problem with him doing it and never have.
I have actually insisted he get one so this can be settled once and for all. I have spoke with him about the things she is saying. Hell he has been there for all of them. I’ve told him it bothers me. And I’m starting to think he has said something to her about it. Cause he doesn’t understand why I feel the way I feel. And seems very indifferent on the matter.
What do you think? AITA for wanting to divorce her husband over this? Here's what top commenters had to say:
CakePhool said:
Ask your husband to do paternity test for both kids infront of his BM and see what happens. At least then you have on paper it is his and then do counselling before divorce.
phred0095 said:
Choosing to get a DNA test would be an easy way to put this particular fight to rest. And it also gives you the awesome power of the I told you so. To wield again and again. That doesn't help the dynamic between you and him though. Consider the possibility that this person is deliberately trying to put a wedge between you and your husband. It would be a shame if you fell for that.
It is my opinion that she's fighting for your man. And it's also my opinion that you could choose to win this fight. I'm not telling you what you should do. That's your business.
You need to really think things through. Not feel things through, think things through. Park your feelings get to a place where you can be kind of Zen and really go over the numbers. Once you do that you can get some clarity. Then once you have clarity then you'll know what to do.
And Glittering_Mouse2728 said:
NTA. But i would talk to him and ask him to speak with his ex and put her in her place. If it was me, i'd definitely try to have his ex around as little as possible.
Small update:
I spoke with my husband. And also for added context. We have had conversations in the past on about how our baby appears to be white and I have already agreed to a paternity test. I get the mamas baby, daddy’s maybe thing. I have nothing to hide. So it was never an issue. He says he thinks she is his but for peace of mind.
He has also expressed that when he was with his ex that concerns were raised on if his oldest is his. We are getting a DNA test done on both kids. But I still can’t help but think something was said to her about conversations we have had in the past in private.
Cause this smart comments have come on suddenly. She is no longer allowed in our home. And I told him to handle it or I will. And whatever repercussions come from it….well it is what it is at this point.
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