'AITA for saying I would never have chosen my husband as the father of my child?' UPDATED (2024)

He spent all of his time with Liam and other bros. Dave would spend every night out partying until 2 or 3 am. He spent his entire paycheck and some of my paychecks on wrestling videos and online gambling. He bought a motorcycle. He used our savings to buy crypto. He shaved his head bald. The last straw was him spending $20,000 of my savings to travel.

Throughout this Liam was incredibly disrespectful to me. Dave broke up with me when I asked him to stop hanging out with Liam and his other friends. He immediately moved in with a girl I had concerns about. I felt deeply hurt and for the first time in my life I felt like hurting someone in return.

I was miserable, out of my mind, and called Liam over. I wanted to ruin their friendship like he ruined my relationship. He was annoyed at Dave for something else and was down for anything. I woke up the next morning realizing that I made a huge mistake but it was incredible.

Unfortunately my bad decision caught up to me and I got pregnant. Ironic since I had always wanted children but I was told I was infertile. Both Liam and I were against children out of wedlock and we had a small wedding. I was ready to grit my teeth and make the best of our marriage but surprisingly Liam turned out to be an incredible partner and father. If it was a mistake, it was the best mistake of my life.

Paige was very offended that I said Liam wouldn’t have been my choice initially. She said I was making myself superior. She said that she lost respect for me and would never talk to me again. She also messaged Liam to tell him what I said. Was what I said really that bad?

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Edit: I should probably be clearer but while we knew each other before, Liam was basically a one night thing. Which is true. My other friends know the truth, because a few of them were there when it all unfolded. Dave was furious at first, which is understandable. But we are cordial to each other. I did not get my money back unfortunately.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Horror-Newt108 said:

NTA, I’d imagine Liam feels the same, lol. That is a WILD story, but the best part is it worked out for you guys. Lose Paige as a “friend” - that’s a weird response she had, imo.

Minute-Aioli-5054 said:

NTA l. I’m sure your husband realizes that it was a crazy start to your relationship. But I would give him the reassurance that he is a wonderful father though

And Arquen_Marille said:

NTA, and Paige is being very weird. It is a surprise you ended up with Liam based on your story, but it doesn’t mean what you said was a bad thing. It‘s simply a statement of fact.

A week later, she shared this update:

I got a lot more attention on my post than I thought! Long story short, Paige apologized for overstepping and we are all good now. Paige reached out to me. She was having a rough time in her own relationship/situationship and felt I was being ungrateful. I accepted her apology. However, I don’t expect us to have a close friendship in the future.

I also checked up on Liam. As I’ve said before, I adore my husband and do not want to make him feel bad. I asked him if he felt hurt by what I said. He says yes he was deeply offended and I should make up for it with a thousand kisses plus interest starting right now. The worst thing in my life right now is my baby kicking up into my ribs.

I miss being able to breathe without a foot in my organs. Several people have questioned how I got the reputation of being thoughtful when I made really bad personal decisions. Honestly, I’m fiscally responsible, organized, and all around a prepared person. But I am dependent on having a stable, boring life and was unequipped to have my personal life fall apart.

If I think back to what I was like 10 years ago, I had a good amount of savings, a comfortable career and close friends. I also had a fiancé who I had been with for years and who had changed into a person I no longer recognized. Someone who lied to me, stole from me and cheated on me.

Liam actually was the one who called me after Dave broke up with me. He told me about how Dave had lied to him and used him in lies and was with the other woman. I was still in shock. He came over to give me some things that Dave had left at his apartment in case it was mine.

Some of it was mine, some of it was Dave’s trash. I sobbed and blamed him and he took it and apologized. He kissed me. I said I wanted to ruin his life like he ruined mine. Liam saw Dave as his best friend. He also had trust issues so lying is off the table. Their friendship was already ruined but I didn’t know that. I was not good at getting revenge, at least spontaneously .

We didn’t use protection. I had been told I was infertile. My previous two partners (my old boyfriend and Dave) never got me pregnant after years. I was ignorant and wasn’t told that infertile doesn’t mean sterile. I still had a chance of getting pregnant.

Having a child out of wedlock is very uncommon and looked down upon, even more than divorce. Because of that, shotgun weddings are actually pretty common. I was excited to be a mother and Liam was, to my surprise, excited to be a father. We decided to put aside our old grievances, be friends, and raise our child happily.

I can say that I stated falling in love with him through my pregnancy but it was solidified after my birth. It was traumatic and I tore badly. Liam was such an attentive husband and father. We fell together so nicely it was hard to notice when he became my soulmate.

Part of the reason I hated Liam was that the way we expressed love was too similar. I need quality time and attention and he needed quality time and affection. There’s no limit to the amount of time we want to spend with loved ones. Dave was an introvert who valued time alone. When it was Dave in the middle, I felt as though Liam was stealing my limited time with him.

Now, it feels nice to have a partner that values and expresses the same kind of love. We are around each other constantly. Liam needs at least an uninterrupted hour a day and more on weekends of my attention solely on him. We could spend entire days just snuggling and kissing.

We have an equal partnership. I do take on more of the mental load in terms of finances, investments, doctors appointments, etc. but Liam acknowledges that and takes on more of the physical load. He insists that I do more, while I think he does. I’m not saying either of us are perfect or that our relationship. But I am very happy with my lot in life.